I didn't do as good, but today was very meaningful on many accounts. I was taking a shit, and I picked up the 'Chicken Soup for the Basketball Soul'?
I flipped to a part that read 'Jordan'. It caught my attention and I read the 2 short pages defining 'heart'. Heart @ failure, but having heart to pull through in adversity. Cliche isn't it. Of course it is, when your dealing w/ MJ !
Anyhow, the night didn't turn out too good! The aches lingered inside and out, especially the mental pain, and heartache. I struggled terribly, getting angry and irritated at almost every incidence.
However, near the end things changed. I was alone for a great while. I just stretched myself, breathed in, and wanted to just leave it out there. I thought back to what I had read earlier about 'heart'. Everything was status quo, so I just wanted the initiative to leave it out there, even if it meant to fail and embarrass myself. I let it go.
Inside & outside, it was different. Misses, laughs. Awws, and boos were there. But I know nothing mattered more than the effort and heart ! It ended w/ a lot of smiles and exchanges, and hard work. The ache started to fade a bit, but other aches developed as well ! How abstract !
The results didn't matter. What mattered was drawing the spotlight, and anticipation. What mattered was getting an outlet, and having people '2nd guess' your ability. What mattered was 'assisting' and making sure others had their shot. What mattered was just distributing, and facilitating for others. As I have been and always will, just making sure others are fine. Just being there, and getting everything into play.
I wish to achieve, and wish to just leave it out there.
I guess I made a first. "I'm back !"
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